Don’t Trip Over What’s Behind You

The changing seasons always bring me back to a place of hope. Hope can support the belief that good things are ahead. The truth is, we spend too much time stewing about what our unpredictable children did yesterday or last week. Looking back on our list of concerns and outrageous behaviors can shake our faith in achieving family peace.

There’s that familiar argument about getting out of bed on time for school that leaves you weary and not much caring if she goes. Or the daily off-­hand comments from your mother-­in-­law: “You need to use more discipline and stop caving in. I could whip my grandson into shape in three weeks.”

Over and over again. Tomorrow already looks pretty much like today and it’s only 10 o’clock in the morning.

Maybe you don’t have to be trapped by past behavior that has brought you to your knees. Consider whether or not you’re looking backwards a little too often. I know it’s hard to see the future with kids who can’t let you alone long enough to take a shower. Their need for supervision and attention can be insatiable.

But, sometimes we trip over what’s behind us.

One day it took only two minutes for my son to come to the dinner table. The previous month, we had usually finished dinner before he showed up, mystified that there wasn’t much to choose from. By the following month he was first to sit down, and start to eat with the same poor table manners that I could never shut up about. But, he came to the table, and that was what counted for that day.

My best defense against the crazy past (and by past I mean 10 minutes ago) was to breathe. In and out, slowly. The reason I did this was because when I was breathing I wasn’t talking. I wasn’t spilling out my trusted truisms that my son never heard: “You need to be organized; set a limit for video games; take some responsibility for your own belongings.” From his end it sounded like: “blah, blah, and more blah.” I once read that neurologically troubled kids hear every third word. Mine heard every 4 th paragraph.

So, I lightened up and you can too. This isn’t great, these five minutes you are going through right now. But there are more to come, and each one deserves your attention and maybe even your optimism. While we are fixated on how nothing will ever change, a miracle may be happening. The next minute may be better.

Parenting our quirky kids takes patience that is impossible to summon when we most need it. I know that faith in the future wasn’t found in the misdoings of yesterday. Let the past go. This could a good moment and I don’t want you to miss it.