The Thinking Bench

This is my thinking bench. I don’t text, take calls, or edit scary first drafts here. I just think.

My time for contemplation came to an end when I was diagnosed with some serious medical problems. Then, my mother moved with great unwillingness to assisted living.  Finally, people I love are troubled with things I can’t fix. Soon, I was too tired to work or to write. Instead, I lay on the floor with pillows over my head and the heavy quilt of self-pity covering up my dignity.

Yesterday I went back to the bench. Here’s what I learned:

I’m not in control of the universe. This came as a shocker, but that’s the price of believing in control.

Fighting everything is part of my DNA. But I need to fight for what actually matters:  my own health.

I can accept the new realities of slowing down and self care, or I make myself sicker.

In the end, the bad habits will get me. I do need to eat right, exercise and rest. I do need to let go, step back, make mistakes, and abandon the idea that perfection is an achievable goal.

Then I’ll have a fighting chance.

Today I as sat on my bench I watched the geese complete flight training for their upcoming journey south. They’ll be back next year, hatching new babies who will take their short journey from gosling to goose in four months.  Who knows, by that time I might even earn my own wings and take flight in a more balanced, healthier self?

Find a place to rest. Whatever it is that’s put you on the floor, there’s a chance that you can fix some of it, learn to accept most of it, and discover peace. I’m rooting for you.